w0man |n tHe mAk|ng

2005-09-01T00:11:00.000-07:00

how do you start by writing about your day.
obviously put your fingers on your keyboard..
but what if.. your mind operates faster than your hands
with no recollection of watever reflections you had the entire day.
but i shall try my very best.

day spent with all the motivation in the world.
but in the end it was all thinking without any physical action.
(now do you tell the whole world abt everything that happens in a suckerfied day.. or just the feelings that accumulates. so much so its impossible to tell anyone (they will just think your weird having so much emotions in such a short span of time)

loneliness is creeping its way onto every breathe of my body.
heart aches for someone to just be around.
no accuasations.
no suspicions.
no screaming.
no yelling.
no disappointment.
all these thrown at you at a single blow.
with the mind as a shield but never speaking up.
what you get in the end is so much emotion.
no outlet.
voices screaming inside to speak up.
the mouth never cooperates.
what you get in the end is the slow and painful tears that falls together with water frm the shower.
this is the period of self pitying.(i have no qualms to this confession)
but what everyone is oblivious to
as the tears flow down.
your inner strength gets stronger.
another brick is added surrounding your heart

i hate my vulnerabilities.
i hate it that one small blow.
just turns my world upside down.
not that anyone can see it.
i never seem to show..
suck it up..
and everythin crashes once solitude sets in.

you say im childish.
have you ever thought why?
is it mY fault im childish?
is innocence to the world that is away frm my reach a crime.
im not the one holding the key that unlocks my freedom.
Granted.that i can get hold of it if i want to.
but do you think pushing me to what you call ideal will make all things right?
that watever you think its the best for you is for me too?
in your eyes im a spoilt brat.
who have lil or none experiences of life under my belt.
but do you realise maybe i never TOld you
maybe its jsut to painful to tell?
have you ever thought about it
or maybe im just too young.

ive grown much throughout the past years
the wall gets higher each day.
after the tears that is.

2005-08-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

heres the scenario.

dinner time.choi sits by the table..waiting for peeps to fill up.watches mum prepare the table.
choi: mum. im going to study with yi sheng
mum: WHAT! why are you studying with him. WHY WHY WHy.
choi: whats wrong with studying with him?
mum: you two not even in the same class..
choi: hes my friend.(actually.our familes known each other since we two were in kindergarden)
mum:but you two different class!!!!!!why you go study with him???@!!!
choi:whats wrong with studying with a fren (at this time choi gets exasperated)
mum ( RIDICULOUSLY screaming ): theres nothing wrong. i just dont understand WHY?!why you suddenly tell me this ??!!
choi: (WHAT THE HELL) nothin!i just telling you thats all..
mum: i still dont understand why must you study with him. i DONT understand why you telling me!!
choi: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU IM JUST TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING

at this time. bro and sis and dad comes round.
mum: no I dont understand I DONT UNDERSTAND why you suddenly tell me out of the blue
chois: HUH. i am just T.e.l.l.i.n.g you something. that im studying with him
bro and sis chimes: yah la!!mummy why cant you udnerstand.we all understand.

mum TUrns to dad (who does not have a freakign arseshit of clue wth is going on) for support.
mum: see daddy you look at her. LOOK AT HER!! she suddennly tell me she going to study with yi sheng. OUT of the blue. dont you thinkk something fishy is going on. NO WONDER his mum call and act so weird.
dad VEHEMENTLY nods his head.
dad: yah la!

chois. at this moment.imagine her WHOLE FACe.please..just imagine

mum: i must call auntie currine(his mum). and see what she say....
choi:for what? his mum never said anythin
mum: what you talking about . why cant i understand you>??
bro: Mummy you deaf ar. i heard what jie jie said los.

then there was a pause. at this rate chois was just stupIDLY STARING AT MUM. SPEECHLESS.
mum: (after the pause) HOW CAN YOU SAY this abt your own mum?! are you trying to portray me as a BAD BAD MUM HUH??
you always tell your friends how bad am i right? HOW Can you huh?
mum turns to dad : SEE!your daughter? look at how she is behaving!shes trying to say Im a bad nasty mum!
dad: YAH LA.!

pause.choi would just wish to KILL herself.
mum: huh huh. whya re you like that huh? why you suddenly tell me this.i dont understand, i wish you didnt tell me.
how can you think this way of your own mum.

this sentence was repeatedly spitted across the table to chois. who was staring sadistically at the boiling soup. wishing to down her head in it and die of repeated burn wounds and maybe throw the entire bowl right down mums throat which is not possible because either she dies or her mum.

the end.

2005-07-18T22:13:00.000-07:00

to all my frens who made my no 18 so special
a very big big thank you
its been the best bdae week i had in my life( i sound pathetic)
and for that im real glad to have such a wild bunch of ppl

peho:
thank you ame pear huazy for sharing the cheese cake
(i doubt i will finish alone)
the shopping trip
and the gothic necklace
though time was a lil strained.
i aint complaining

qin nan:
man.. wat do i do without your sweet offerings
you do make me fat d'ya know that
apologies for forgetting to return the plate back to you

rugby:
thank you li ping khoo ho irene cheryl yi li dee winnie
for your green top
and also the company on sat.
baybeats was great..
and you guys were chillin.
ah ning for being there but not seeing me
bong: for your my chemical romance
(bro chin up yeah.they dont deserve your thoughts.
esp that ddickhead)
fawwaz: i love your Mr mismatched helmet.
imma keep it with the collection your giving me harha

now that leaves one more person
i do wish that you could have made it special for me
among all ppl i wanted you to be there esp.
stuff happened today.
nothing that i could control of
i was reluctant.. paranoid to the word commit.
yes you do know that..
you made me feel so deeply for you again.
just the simple urge to see and smell.
...you...
i cant believe im letting myself fall so deep
counting the days.
and i hate it now.
i hate it that i hold so much expectations
and only to find it Dashed and distinguished
by just a mere simple sentence from you.
I hate my vulnerablities.
the times and the pain i actually went thru not
succumb this kind of hurt
i experienced for the past one year plus.
i hate it that im feeling the exact same
hurt dissappointment anger
i have not expeirneced before this journey
too much pain was put into building my defences
against the danger of falling too deep
i hate my vulnerabilities.
dont be mistaken
you made me love you so much
dangerously so.
that it hurts

2005-04-09T22:59:00.000-07:00

"you gotta be strong.get the message across.else ppl will step all over you'
thats wat you taught me fuzz.
and i learnt it the hard way.
helplessly i stood there..looking at you for support.
you stood there too.unemotional.wanting me to speak up for myself.
i realised.
one..that i feel so young. innocent.stupid.the word here is immature.
two.. that im totally dependent on you.
so much that..simple decisions.i rely on you.
im a bitch i know..
and im truly guilty as charged.for always making you suck in all your grouses.
and give in.
dun think im dumb.. but i always see it..
upset.but aint wanna make 2 ppl unhappy.
guilty.sorry..

thing abt ppl stepping all over me.
yeah i get wat you mean
sec school..been telling eveyrone i hate it.
the mere fact cuz ive been stepped all over.
by my so called frens.
i did not defend myself.
neither did i appear reactive.
but wat they didnt know..
was how i pray every night..
that maybe one day..
they will stop the crap they are doing.
it still haunts me now..
and yes.. im losing touch with all of them.
its realli sad.that 4 years.....
and just by one guy..
its all over.
one guy who betrayed it all.
one guy i thought who was life.my everything
he in turn was a fucker.who took everythin away
everything.
he took my best fren away.,
and also ripped my heart la..not forgetting that.
how can you just break up with me..
and hit on my best fren?
i feel pathetic.
just cuz of that.
everythings broken.
thanks a lot
when can i find one true soul..
there were good frens back then.
those i still keep in touch with.
but the feelings different..from having close ones.
jc frens .i lvoe them all.
but their not as close as.. wat i would have in sec sch.
its true.
how i envy..
but i know that i will never have.

im starting to buit this wall.
a test.. to see how immune can i get
this will be my protection.
i dont wanna be sensitive to anyone.for anyone anymore.
i wont cry.
no matter how much shit i recieve from anyone.
it wont break me down.
im sick of being so vulnerable.
since everything is like a pierce to the skin
why not dont feel anythin at all.
im sick of looking out for how ppl are feeling.
and get nothin back.
i give up.
i will bult this wall.
nobody will destory it

2005-04-01T23:12:00.000-08:00

you know..

sometimes i just wonder.

why am i getting so worked up.
so pissed.

thing is i hate things being dragged..

i hate changes.esp last minute ones.

at least thats what they say in the p.test.

maybe im the commanding bitch.

but hey.. i wanna make sure things will turn out fine.

non commitment...

its not just this thats freaking me out.

people changing right in front of my eyes.

Dear Lord please do guide her in the right path once again.

guide me back too.

amen

2005-03-18T19:52:00.000-08:00

lets see.

block test is in two days time.

i completed one out of five for maths.

two out of seven for econ(but i guess it will be none if i actually realli memorised)

and none for geog.

vua-la~!
there..

imma pass gp.
and thats it.

wat a nice timing..
cousins gonna fly here on tues.
there goes my study time.

vua-la...

oh wells..

2005-03-04T20:57:00.000-08:00

argh.

fucking comp is screwed up.
eva since dad installed the shit anti virus thingy.
com is lag.
i cant sign in msn.
neither can i open up internet ex without 100 pop ups asking for my permission to open it.
i cant do a freaking thing!
omg damn irritated.
using dads laptop now.

chinese. ao levels..
got a b4 with distinction in oral.
nutcase.complete tyco here.
i remembered crapping my way thru oral.
the examinator must be deaf.

a level results out todae..
fuzz.i can see his not satisfied with his results.
fingers crossed for him getting into nus!
me..
i wanna get a2 for gp.
A B C for econ geog and maths.
i get a c for maths i can just..
thank God.
the sky will be falling.

my last match's gonna be on next fri.
m1 series.
my last match.
my best match.
that i will bet my life on it.

2005-02-26T23:32:00.000-08:00

we won plate champions.
we won..
wow..

cant believe it.
made it so far..
thanks babes for all the effort.
for the team.

but i got stepped on my toe.
fell on my butt.
tsk.
it hurts kaes.

to mum.
stop abusing me.
please..
i cant stand it anymore..
jammin up e pen to my mouth.

why are you always the one screaming at me.
venting at me.
why cant you for once listen to wat i have to say.
and REALLI lISTen.
not get pissed off over again.
im sick and tired.

now im scared of your face.
sick of going home to see you.
im sick of going home mum.
can you hear me?

i wanna share my joy with you.
all you do is just pour all your negativities out.
how the hell am i suppose to talk to you like that?
fuck.

fuck myself mum.
i dunno why your treating me this way.

i dun wanna go home at all.
your crying is numb to me.

im hurt.

im very hurt.

that you treat me this way.

fuck/.

2005-02-18T22:13:00.000-08:00

WE WON WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well.. at least one of the matches.
hwa chong.. i dont say we kana thrashed by them..
..
at least its not..
one try frm them every minute.
that was my worst fear.

i realised.
i made a huge mistake during the game against h.c
frm last week.
i felt the pressure..
so intense..
i was so scared.
cuz h.c was the best.
the unbeatables.
so much so i was afraid to step on the field.
at all.
evyerbody got nervous.
i got ten times more than that.
went on the field..
and wow.. shaking.
i let one girl pass right thru me..
and she scored.
i teared right on the spot.
fuck.man its stressing me up to breaking point.
i went out of the game.
and promptly refused to get back in.
i know im selfish.
but i couldn ..
i just couldnt.
it was after the two halfs that i realise.
man.. why the stress?
out there. i gotta play the game.
else wat are all the trainings for.

got pumped up for the next game.
wasnt optimistic.. but.
hell..
we have been thru the worst just .
we will conquer the next.!!

NAtional JC.
was in the first six to go on the field.
this is wat happened.
khoo that side started punching first.
i was center..the other half center.
then i signaled number 3 on my chest.
i got the ball frm the other half.
faked switch.with one.
wanted to fake to my last man.
but i saw a gap.
and ran thru.
then i swear it was a blank.
i remembered hearing the screams first.
then i realised i broke thru.
sprint and WHAM! hit the ground
before tumbling over.
forgive me for renacting of the whole scene.
you see..
i was the lowest of the lowest among all.
and finally i could score.
it felt great.
it realli did.

then everyone played WEll.
man.. it was awesome.
But it was POURING.
POURINg i tell you.
i can say My boots felt like a water tank.
and every cloth on me was sticking to my skin
every second you wipe the water away frm your face.
it comes pouring back.
the rain was against us.
so much so..
my contact lens BOth dropped out.
i couldn see a damn thing..
so i went out of the field.
shah was like: CHOi wat are DOin!
then i screamed i cant see!!!
ooo.
the juniors were such darlings.
they came and supported us.
and stood with us in the rain all the way
with no spare clothes.
all of us were freezing..
was waiting to get back in.
two actually asked me if im cold.. and gave me a group hug.
me in the middle..
man. thats realli sweet.

game ended.
we won!
everone was screaming..
haha..

was rushing to meet fuzz .
so i changed quickly.
and i took Irenes shoe bag by mistake!
i didnt realise it until i was on the bus.
me being one of the few who didnt stay for dinner.
so.. i can say she WAS pissed
cuz i took HER shoe home.
not boots... SHOES.
she had NOThing to wear.
man..
felt guilty all the way.
but realised that
fuzzy could meet her in woodlands to pass her back
i called her up again to apologise.
and i bought her hersheys kisses
phew. she wasnt mad at me anymore now.
muarks.

fuzzy.
your a darling.
i met you..
and gave me such a suprise.
flowers!omg.
with apple pie!
man i was starving..
and biscuits too!
man.. i dunno..
im realli touched!
very very touched!

this is a very long ppost.
ame read your heart out..
i know.. its kinda boring post.
im supposed to write those intellectual stuff.
hey.. im not that good yet.
but i'll try..
next post.

*smiles

2005-02-14T08:13:00.000-08:00

depression.

thats the word of the day.
no.
thats the word of the week..

the feeling...
specially during todae.
its empty.
hallow.

lonely.

confused.
i shldn be thinkin this way.
its wrong.
even if so.
wats the use?

im living everyday just to see to that one day.

one day..

2005-02-05T11:15:00.000-08:00

i realised..

myself.
who i realli am.
my character.
im those sorts.who dont get wat i want.
when left out of a group.
i will not try to engage with them
i will be quiet.
and just listen.
and be comfortable with just listening.
i am quiet.
i guess cuz of that.
im always quiet
cuz if ppl arnd me.tok abt
stuff that im not interested in.
or have no part of.
i do not try to take part in it.
i will make myself look silly

but when im happy.
i crack dirty jokes.
with a straight face.
that seems to make every1 smile.
and then i will smile. :)
thats eileen at her best.

im not those type of ppl
who ppl deem as the soul of the party.
if sumbody comes sit next to me.
we wont become a crazy pair giglling all the way
i guess whoever it is beside me.
will just feel comfortable.
and never crazy.
i wish it was though.

but wat can i do here.
i am who i am.
im on the road of acceptin it.
i hope other ppl will too.

but i found sum1 like me.
fadzli.
thank you for your entire day with me ydae.
at my house.
at marina.
watching findin neverland.
strolling down clark quay
at the waterfront.
the time with you.
priceless.

*smiles**

2005-01-29T21:52:00.000-08:00

YOU WAITED FOR FOUR HOURS

daddy..
im speechless.
theres no way can i tell you how touched am i.

i was sick of always waiting.
of you being so indecisive while my time w you is limited.
thats why i left.

i didnt know.
you would cycle all the way from woodlands.
to my house.
seletar.jalan kayu there.
with a sprained ankle.
with a broken brake and flat tyre.
all the way from there to my house.
i dunno how far it is.
but it is damn FAR.

then you waited for 4 hours daddy.
FOUR HOURS.
without food.without water.
Four hours under my block.
when i told you to go home.

when i reached home i was speechless.
i am touched daddy
the way you stare right into me.
saying sorry.
you said you had to see me.
ask for forgiveness.
daddy.. how can i not forgive you.
the way you look at me..the eyes..
you moved me dear.
i love you.

5 minutes.
and you left..
to cycle ALL the way back.
cuz you got no money back.
sorry i couldn give you any cuz i got none.
cycle all the way back.
i rushed up to my balcony.
i looked down.
you looked up.
gave me a fly kiss.
and left.

daddy you got no idea
how much more i love you now.
*muarks*//

2005-01-24T20:11:00.000-08:00

____REFEREE KAYU!!!

but im proud to announce.

NYJC TOUCH RUGBY TEAM IS POOL CHAMPIONS!!

we won RJC, SAJC, RSN, Tpoly, Spoly.

in the match against tjc. it was a MISTAKE they won.
the first try, we touched them before they tried.
i saw it. we saw it. shah saw it. spectators on the
stand saw it. the cock eye faggot didnt see it.
blew the damn whistle. and there. they tried.
their dummy half tried again.
i SAW it. SHAH saw it. THE girl herself admitted
she was dummy half.then later said no.
and the faggot believed her.
dammit.
2-2 in the end.
some stupid rule. said that the first team who scored
the try during the game will win.
tjc won.
its a mistake they won.
a fucking mistake.
i swear.
i will thrash them when i see them again.
especially this fat bitch whos wearing jersey no 7.
stupid number.

my flaws___
i lack stamina.engine running full speed.
died after a few games.
side steps.i need ta practise on that.
fake.

all in all.
im damn. fuckin proud to be in the team.
and imma get myself ready for the matches ahead.

watch out tjc.
imma screw your ego trap shut.

2005-01-21T22:24:00.000-08:00

i realised. i hate changes.

friends.they gotta show me their true colours once they know me.
im a person, who cant stand it when a person..whom im close to,
changes in front of my eyes.
changes in the attitude in life. in frens.
i cant take it.
im like that.
hate me.

i know i cant stop a person from changing.
i know its not up to me.
the world moves on.
im a cancerian.
i hate changes.
sudden changes.

please be the person i know you are again..

fuzzys back!
dadeh only you know how much i missed ya.
you and your silly lil hairdo.
just wished we got more time.

tml imma have match. at Rsn.
seven matches.
wat a bloody lucky number.
reality check..
ive lost touch with the game.(literally)
since the hols in hk.
no matter what.
imma do my best.
my aim for tml. my goal.
is not to try.not to count the number of winners.or losers.
imma test myself.to improve my handling of the game.
the improve our team.
and apply everythin that ive learnt. into those very 7 games.
the most impt thing.
stay steep.communicate.eye for gaps.
eye to eye with the attacker.
thats wat i wanna achieve tml.

and i'll be happy

2005-01-15T23:03:00.000-08:00

im a xenophobist.

fondue chocolatt frm beard papa.
thick. very thick.

but i rather have a bar of chocs.

nothing beats that.

CULTURAL intelligence.

theres IQ. then theres EQ.
now theres CQ.

interesting to note.im a economist.
gotta have CQ.
relate to all the different cultures
in countires progressing economically.

Ethnocentrism.

aint a xenophobist.

future businesswoman.

2005-01-10T15:53:00.000-08:00

i miss you fuzzy

i miss you a lot.

come back please..

before i stop crying.

cuz by then.

i'll never cry again.

please?

2005-01-07T18:55:00.000-08:00

the first week of school

2004 started with me bathing at 12 midnight.
hmmm.. fantastic.

it feels great to meet all my frens again in class.
mr nandwani with his sacarstic sense of humour
pear and ame who are mydarlings.
miss huazy.

woke up cursing the alarm clock that woke me up.
hate it when i dun get nuff sleep
everyday i get sleepier and sleepier

finally i understand wat maths lectures are tokign abt
a miracle!!!

rugby was exhausting the life outta me.
tuesdae was late. (fuzzy cuz of you). gotta run seven rounds after training but i ran one. which was tiring enuf
wed cca bazzaar. the ENtire 2 hrs was spent on the field playing.
then i gotta walk ALL THE WAY HOME MYSELF.
thursdae bright and early in the morning ran 7 rounds for pe.
i felt cold every time i finished exercising.
thats why im sick
very sick.
i hate flus.
*drowsy***

____FADZLI____
the entire week.
i spent with fuzzy everyday after school.
your going to police on tuesdae
my dear. imma admit right now.
i dun wanna you ta go.
not one bit.
i will miss you sho sho much
you wont believe it if i tell ya so.
your cute winks.
your brown eyes.. the way you make me feel so optimistic about life.
i can never explain it.
you made a difference in my life
nobody has done before.
and just like that.. your gona go.
with me not knowing when imma meet you again.

thursday.
you brought me to the padang @ night
that night. it was beautiful
the scenery. the air. you*
we slow danced in the middle of the field.
e night sky as our witness.
e breeze as our song

it was then i realise.
noone gonna bring me to places like this again.
onli you.

friday
met even when i was sick.
realise it would be the last time imma see you.
i tried not to show it.
hope it worked.
talked alot abt us before we were together.
at pacific coffee.
you sent me off.
i got on the bus.
the memory of you.
looking right into me frm outside.
before disappearing frm my view.
i will never forget.
baby i love ya.

2004-12-31T23:57:00.000-08:00

RUGBY POOL PARTY

turnout was 18 ppl.. glad everyone had fun
especially the captains ball
thanks fuzzy for attending to the chickens.
everyone who came.
next time im not letting you guys play the ps and x box.
if you wanna.pls help me pack up *winks

MOSH

it was needless to say
a brand new experience for me
it was Loud. SErious.
and that funny in a way the ppl were dancing along
swaying all their butts.
I wanna go there again!
the next time i swear i wont go home that early
i got a chop on my hand!
a chicken chop

CCA BAZZAR pREP

helped with everythin..
gotta redo the posters frm what they said
i haven plan on what to do with the booth table
shits..

TO all:
2004 was a fantastic and eventful year
CJC first 3 months was a blast
i met so many ppl . GREAt ppl with cool characters
skip lessons. skip school..
NYJc. i met the ruggers
i love you guys!
i suffered a huge heartbreak too this year
that muzakir actaully did that to me
i cant forgive him
i will never
but then i met my daddy
fuzzy.

2 more days..
imma start school
a levels.
fuzz gonna go police.dunno where will that lead us to.
and more rugby

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2004-12-27T22:51:00.000-08:00

i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck

screw pms

2004-12-23T23:06:00.000-08:00

finally im playing touch

3 weeks of non rugby..
not even having the space to actually run about
im free on the field.

im glad ta say..
no drop balls at all for me!
cept im a lil lag on my stamina.
and my reaction time.
no worries..
will come back to me soon..

thanks guys for playing with us yeah.
i realli worked both my brains and body off
it was fun too.
man at the start of the game.
BONG you pIG
you didnt even touch me..
i ran pass you.
could have just scored..
dang.. fyda said touch. oh wells.its ok
leg was hurting.
but i didnt wanna waste precioius moments
of getting my rugby skills back
and its back *happy

funny moments:
filled up the water bottle
fawwaz was telling me to hurry up
i threw the bottle up
the cap got loose
and guess what?
the water FLEW out
and in the end
me and POor alf standing in front
got wet
faz was dry.
was on the ground laughing
ho ning me scrunchin the end of the shirts to form a dick.
and got everybody else looking.
disgusting..
but oh wells..

thanks Bong for that car!
its Dman nice la!!love it .
boon.. haha.. watever am i supposed to do with that.
but its kinda creative in a way
so THank you too!
khoo gave me a yellow bulldog.Cutes!

i was DEAD tired after training.
man.
i was too tired to even walk..
talk abt bein absent for 3 weeks..
they wanted to go novena after bishan.
im like.. WHAT?@!
got dragged along.
but went home right after i reached..
slept for 3 hours straight..
still tired..

*confused***

2004-12-21T23:42:00.000-08:00

-------Freshly flown from hk----------

SHOES DC USA sneakers(brown

BAGS Louis Vuitton handbag
Puma sling
2 totes(dirty green.limegreen
another handbag

TOPS 1 long sleeve
2 sleevless(grey.blue
green glitter top

BOTTOMS skirt from 2%
grey checkered skirt
deep red checkered skirt
2 denim skirt
black shorts

E REST red watch
2 wallets
hairclips and rubberbands
3 necklaces 3 braclets
4 pairs of earrings
nail art
ck boxers!

to all peeps wif da pressies.
hope you like them.

to Mr Ong and Mrs Ong.
both once my dearest teachers.
i pray your now with our heavenly Father
and i pray that all your loved ones.
there hearts will mend.
it will..

to fuzzy.
i had the mOSt wonderful time todae
kisses and hugs..me beng deprived from it for
3 weeks in total
im glad im back here..
lying on your lap in the park
with the wind blowing
the sun shining.. (cliche cliche)
im just glad im back

with you.

2004-12-11T00:35:00.000-08:00

flying away from paradise

in less than 10 hours

i'll be flying to hk
frankly..i dun feel excited
at all.
i just wanna go home.
everythins in such a rush there
i want some peace and quiet.

i dun wanna go there
and experience the same thing over an over again
i dun wanna be ridiculed by my relatives
whats wrong with being tan?
wats wrong in looking like a malay?
do i look as if i got a choice?
i dun wanna hear the same old lame phrase again
"go marry an indian"
cant they give me sumthin new?

theres the problem with that aunt too
wat if she confronts me when i get back
i'll be so screwed
maybe mum will disown me straight away.
i cant run away... no place to go.
man.
i wanna go home..

happy second month daddy.
thats all i wanna say ta ya.

i really. really..

want to go home.

2004-12-09T20:55:00.000-08:00

Shopaholic Part One

finally todae was my day.. my day!
woke up at 11..
ydae couldn sleep a wink
loads of stuff been thru my head..
realised i cant do anythin right now.at all..

mum n sis went out. leaving bro w me @ home
slacked the morning and noon away
bought a nice book ta read.
halfway thru it..

ha!the shopping starts now!
mum wanted to bring us to this place.
like far east
too bad the taxi driver said it got burnt down alrady
recommended a nother area next to it.

COOL!!
it was like.. endless endless small shops set up along the road..
with More far east plaza buildings.
i loved the small shops near the streets.
a great bargain..
The Sunglasses were like so CHEAP and cool!
mum REFused to buy those.
i wonder why..
it was kinda scary to browse thru the stuff.
the stallholder's eyes are on you..
and if you didnt buy anythin
their attitude.. Poof.. changed to pissed off..
scary scary
but the shops inside were cool!

these are the stuff i bought in one and 1/2 hours there:

long sleeve shirt (450 bucks.. means 22.5 Sing)
ok this shirt was bought cuz the stall holder was real scary.no choice

red wide straps watch (390 bucks.. 19.5 sing)

nice lime green with lil dangly applesrubberband (10 bcks. 50cents)

the real bargain of the day!
this handbag. goes well with jeans. (100 bucks onli!.. 5 bucks!!)

my New BLing Bling of the day
large "diamond ear studs (100 bucks)
i wanted ta buy bigger studs. oh wells. no money le.

shopping realli is therapatic...
i feel so much better now.
but now no more money..
plus a whole day of bullying my bro.
haha! hes real fun to bully.

sigh.. now im sad again.
why?
wth am i so confused
maybe its cuz of past experiences
its getting my paranoid.
maybe wat happen to her.
gonna be the same thing for me.
maybe somethins happening behind my back already.
i dunno.

-paronoidity session-

2004-12-08T19:35:00.000-08:00

Square One

seeing all the peep's blog abt ogl.
green with envy..
i wanna experience it again.. badly.
i love it..
now i missed the opportunity
-double dang-

i gotta get new clothes soon.
i brought all the comfy ones..
which are btw baggy.. sporty..
look in the mirror.. feel so kiddy-ish
serious..
he boots here are booty-lishous
skirts aint my style.. too long.
but hell.. its meant to be worn with high boots.
man i want those..
here the stuff are so ex..
shall get them in hk..

hoping we go sumwhere nice for a change to shop there
finally i can get all i want on my wish list.(which is kinda.. long)
that is if i get the chance to go mong kok
pei ying wants me to get sum hysterical glamour pouch for her.
shall remember that..
cool cool.
a promise made between both of us
after A's gonna do shopping frenxy @ hk
*promised*

cousin gonna bring me shopping for one whole day with her
hope kenneths coming along. hes real fun to be with
two more days of boredom till i get sum fun.

MAn.. for the SIXTh time since we've been here
my sis STill wanna go to that same old stationary shop.
** faints****
Six times already
wah laoz..
wAT is with her.
im totally sick of going anywhere NEar that place
i swear the Cashier knows me already

i got a new aim
ok maybe the Bmw z6 series is still my baby
i want a motorbike!
that'll be so cool
did the calculations..
a car. in spore is Sho sho ex
kaoz.. i can buy so many Boots already!
a bike will do..
until sumone nice will buy me my baby (bleahz

two days till i go hk
twelve days before i go home

kaoz.
the brocolli mum brought frm isetan
has WORMS in it
WORMS
and she still cooks it
Kaoz. im not touching it

no way

2004-12-07T20:59:00.000-08:00

todae was fun fun fun.. tiring tiring tiring..

dad's fren.. some gov official or sumthin.. invited all of us to spend the morning on a cruise ship..
go round the river.. it was so cool! the whole river.. onli us.. then the boat captain was standing so strict standingat the end of the boat..haha.. the ppl ashore were like.."ehz??!!!"
the tip offshore was great.. standing at the deck. feeling the wind.. looking at the old..demolished..new..urban skyline. the ships docked at the bay were cool.. some navay vessels..

a few other frens of dad joined us too.. all i can pretty much say.. bosses and directors of companies..wow..
all of them buddhists.. so brought us to see their "shi fu".. this nice lady..wife of my dads fren.. was realli cool.. she chatted with me all the while.. being so cute despite her age.. i like her.. :)
it was when she handed her business card to a monk then i realised she was a director of a multi int. company..wah kaoz.. then she did the cutest thing.. grinned at me.. and said..shit you found out..i never felt intimidated..

lunch at.. somethin somthin sky.. wow.. the top level of the hotel.. cool cool. the scenery is great.. cept for the air pollutin that is..

we headed down to a real far place.. COol. like shao lin shi!!! serioius..
basically its a huge temple on the whole hill..
its HUge!!
the air for once is fresh..
i mean.. even im not buddhist..
i just marvel at the structures..
imagine.. a field.. the grass.. is FULly Green.. carpet grass..
right at the end..
a huge stage with golden carpets with three golden huge statues..
behind it is a shao lin look a like building..
wow.. quietness.. except for the soft chantings..
300 plus steps.. i ran all the way up..
i too long never run le.. it was andreline rush

a huge headache came over me ... rested while the rest went round looking at the paintings..
then theres the biggest attraction of this area..
40 floor high statue of the buddhah.. in gold by the way..
surrounded by 1000.. yes a thousand.. life sized similar statues surrounding it..
there. the view was.. Spectacular..
the sun was setting.. so everythin was perfect.. cept fuzzy wasnt there.

dinner was a blast..
ate at the jap resaurant..
the surroundings was realli cool.. jap theme with a bit of clubhouse feel..
i ordered all i can..
full full!!
dads frens refused to let him pay..
on eof them so 'zian
force us to finish all our food..
he force me finish the whiole plate of hor fan..
then the table still got mar..
so we played game.. turn the chopstick..who kana eat .. nuts i tell you.

slept on the way home in the car..

but still.
i wanna go home

2004-12-06T23:01:00.000-08:00

yeeppie!
5 days more and im outta this boring-old-place
to hong kong!
the place of.. clothes!!

kaoshiung.. no offence.
but im sick of it...
the same old malls to go..
dads working..
mum refuses to go anywhere but nearby..
bro just wants the tv..
sister drags the whole gang to that lousy stationary shop everyday!
cant sumone support my needs!?

mums always asking me do the chores..
the only places we go to.. are suitable for them and not Me.
NOT ME!!
its ok if im not allowed to buy clothes since its too "expensive for me and not for you mum
cant you just let me enjoy a lil moment and indulge in a nice warm cup of hot chocolate??!!
that i cant have it too??!!
i dunno.. sumtimes its realli fustrating ba.
im bored to death here.
literally..
i WANNA JUST DO SUMTHIN I LIKE!!!
please??

i wanna go home.
i wanna play rugby again..
i wanna feel the ball in my hands..
the exhiliration of the game
im missing so much stuff when im away..
its just so unfair

3 weeks of training..
the beach touch carnival( man i wanted that goodie bag)
ROugue party( i so wanted to drink!)
ogl workshop( i didnt get selected cuz im away during the workshop..kaoz.. Ogl! one thing i always wanted to be)
these are the things i know im gonna miss and never again gonna experience it again next year.
stupid a levels..

i wanna do sumthin interesting..memoriable in my youth.. call me cliche..
yeah but i hate being dull..
i just hate having nothing that i like to do for almost a month.
its suffocating..

most of all..
missing fuzzy..
the hugs..the comfort.. the company..
i need ya daddy
fuzzy can fly here mar..
i know you cant..

cant take it any longer
lock me up summore imma explode..

EXPLODE!!!

2004-12-03T23:25:00.000-08:00

im sick
realli sick.. dang

throat started hurting like hell
the next day my ears started itching like crazy

the day after that my nose was running
on the plane to taipei.. pressure too strong for me
my ears started hurting..
was hurting throught out the whole day..
night time was hell
i couldn sleep at the hotel..
throat was burning..
cant stop sniffing
tried to vomit but couldnt

todae i woke up..
flu gone bad to worse
cant stop blowing my nose
saw blood in the tissue paper.
shit.
tphoons on its way to taipei..
started raining heavily already..
mum wanted to go back kaoshiung

i cried on the plane
the pressure again was too much for my ears
this time both ears hurted so much
like a needle
tryign to get out of m eardrums
and pokign all round my ears

i cried.
real badly..
it was hurting so much
i wanted to die.
nobody could do anythin but watch
mum wanted to call the stewardess..
but it was descending already
hurting all the way till i reached home

got drenched on the way cuz of the rain
fever started
couldn go home yet.
had to buy food..
more air con..
no water
felt so sick..

finally got home
had a hot .. hot shower..
took tablets.
fell asleep for 4 hours

flu still running..
still sick

the typhoons headed our way
scary scary
accidents are starting to happen
lives lost.
bless our family Father.
to be safe
amen.

2004-11-29T21:25:00.000-08:00

9 hours before i leave the house to check in @ airport
11 hours before i leave singapore..

im gonna miss loads of stuff when im away.. 3 weeks..

a very long time to be gone

miss my rugby training for 3 weeks.. 6 trainings in total..
i swore imma defeat TJc next year. i gotta live up to that.. sigh. i wana play RUGby!

Miss singapore idol.. i tell you. if syl wins..
man imma faint..
he cant even pronounce properly.. ah lians all voting for him.
tsk tsk

and theres fuzzy
man imma miss him sho sho much..
miss the company.. the laughter.. especially the hugs.. the brown eyes.. the smile..the light kisses

went ta sentosa with fuzzy on sunday
i hardly believed we were gonna go there together!
but there we were
tanning together side by side..
dancing in the water..
ok maybe im the one being carried around inside..
check out the pics we took..
the pics is being linked frm fuzzys blog.
it rained..
so we headed to town..
oMG
FUzzy LOoks liek TAUFIk!
ok..like what he said.. taufik looks like him
looked around for some nice prom stuff for him after that..
all in all.i spent the Whole day with him
its a memorable one.

a very memorable one

todae met him again before i leave tml
played pool!
yes my pool skills are back!
i won once..
and onli once.. haha..oh wells..
got butterfly wings..
our favourite!
i got off the bus we were on to get home
looked up to the window..
there he was smiling
i whispered sumthin
he whispered back i love you
fuzzy imma miss you laods when im away..

loads..

to all my frens. you guys take care yeah.
get ready my xmas presents cuz i'll be ready with yours!

2004-11-25T23:19:00.000-08:00

woots.. i actually went out w fuzzy.. for how many times
lets count.. no..lets not. cuz i got no idea how many times
todae we went town ate.Omg you cant believe how torturing cramps were this month.. gave me no mood watsoever ta eat.. let alone sleep.so was kinda reluctant to eat..Yeah.. fuzzy wanted ta go topman.accompanied him there.. wen tto his sis house.. OMG..his brother in law is So Sho.. cute!liek those coming out of Seasame Street.. like a pinchy face.. haha. Adorable! SImply!awwws..the house was real cool. i like the environment..maybe just cuz nobodys inside..got home late.. scolding frm dad..dun realli care .rebellious age. If i dun get grounded.. kaoz. i must be nerd.
lets see.. when did i met fuzzy too?ydae was at home..tuesday..NOpe didnt met him. MOndae! yeah i did!i think..Yes we met!took neoprints and shop before going to peirce..hmm. then it was last sat.. we went out!shopping.. fridae met him after guys match.. wed met him for dinner at breeks..thats all i remembered.. cuz i relali lost count.ooo.. i remembered watchin princess diaries2.yupp the rest.. is Blank. which is good. cuz it means we meet often!im glad we are meeting up so much.. before i leave.. that goes to remind me. I Haven completed the parting pressie yet..sugh..
gonna have Steamboat @ marina tml night with nickie cecelia tj and alvin!yeah 4e2 rocks.. im sho sho sure we are gonna have a blast.SUnday! gonna have beach outing with fuzzy.. last outing before i leave.. sigh. im so gonna miss him.oh wells. come to think of it. i never ever imagined we two could be together..its a dream come true.
Loads of stuff to do before i leave

1) pack winter clothes
2)make shopping list..imma do that later
3)make list of presents supposed ta give to ppl
-fuzzy
-touch ruggers.. ah ning irene khoo ho cheryl
-sec sch..ce.tj.nickie.
-nyjc.. pear ame huazy
4)complete fuzzys present by sundae..which means two days left. OUch.

lalalalala.
im screwed

2004-11-20T20:57:00.000-08:00

here i am.blogging after so many days of non blogging

much much stuff happened along the way

tuesday:
tot it was M1 competition.. all pumped up.. in the zone for the big match cumin along.. mentally prepared.it was when on the way to the stadium..in my mums car.. *wham* it hit me.
the competition is NOT today
before that happily msging ppl where are they?have they reached the stadium? one by one reply? WTh am i talking about.. yeah.. so shld know the rest of the story.. mum was screaming in the car for wasting her time.. i was shocked at my own stupidity..oh wells.
humans are NOT smart..at all.

wednesday:
competition finally here.. met up in school for sum last minute strategies (believe me..last minute does NOT work. at all .)saw fuzzy..wished him one last time gd luck for his econs paper..headed on down to the stadium.. wow.. i tell you. We lost every single match..but we still got the trophy.. for all the matches we've been to.. it goes like this------we lose every match. at least one schoool we playing against dun turn up. we get into the finals cuz of that.. And during the MATch of the finals.. We get a DRAW.. and then we play sudden death. then the other team wins... But sitll we get a trophy.. *grins* but for the record. i believe all of us gave them no easy path to score serious like shah said.. our defence was good.. even Hcjc couldn play their strategies cuz we were confusing them.. our attcks were good for the first three touches..its after that that we need work on. yupp.. you bet i will.. MAn.. i WAnna thrash Tjc.. UNcivllised bitches.. I just touched one of their arms and they scream at us saying:WAh very long nails! in the game sumore. tsk tsk. BItches. watch out. i thrash every single one of you next year.. dun be complacent. you JUSt WAIT

fridae:
guys match.. though they lost. i can tell you they all put up an amazing fight with sportsmenship.. Good job guys! met fuzzy after that.. He BRoke my shades! DARn!! ok la.. i part to blame too. BUt STill.. Sobs..my fav pair..

saturdae:
supposed to meet pear and ame.. SIGH.. cancelled it in the morning.. Oo.. but i met fuzzy.. very happy to see him..haha. even though i waited for him to turn up(15 min) and hes in yesterdays clothes! ewww..haha. went back to his crib..he showered.. fresh and nice smelling..just the way i like it..haha.. *sniff* im a scent sniffer..so walked round in town ..looked out for sum prom stuff for him.. nice nice.. guys have all the nice clothes.. went to esplanade. Met his cousin. Cool..shes in the band thingy.. there was this BEst bands 2004.then the chillout area was having the indian festival thingy.. cool man.. walk over to the spore river..there was this dragonboat race.. wow.. theres so much stuff going on along the river.. coollios

gonna wake up early tml..family gonna have a nice morning jog in macritchie tml..

i want mini skirts! a bag! tops! jeans!

okie and a new handphone.

with camera

2004-11-15T18:25:00.000-08:00

My lips is realli killing me right now..

ever since rugby training in jurong.. everytime i got the ball..mud will just splash all over my mouth.so that day..it started itching.. ITCHING i tell ya.. cant stop scratching it and scratching it..fridae it gone SWOllen...and red.. still freaking itchy.. cant stand it..saturdae it started having those black patches appearing at the sides... SUndae my Lips CRACked and bled..Omg...Todae..its jsut all dried up.. like desert/dessert (watever) ARgh. I wanna CHAINSAW my lips off..its realli freaking me out and irritatin at the SAme time.. its worse then angelina joline's lips.. ARgh. *fustrated*

i do hope it gets better tonight.. tml is my game.. and if my lips reacted cuz of the Mud.. means i cant play.. else it will becum some fat mama's lips or sumthin.. but HELl i care.. i gotta get in the zone for the game tml.. i realli gotta get my passion 4 rugby back.. so few more days of ugly LIps aint gonna hurt.. who cares anyway.. fuzzy isnt here for me these few weeks.

speaking of which..supposed to meet fuzzy todae for a quick movie. i haven seen..or talked much to him for the past couple of days.. kinda down now.. but isnt his fault that i know.. oh wells.. still down.Hes gonna be BUsy busy busy for the rest of these few weeks till the 26th.. four days after That imma fly away till dec 20th.. AND.. jan11th hes gonan march his way to Polic acad.. so that means i got just the fUCking 21 days to spend with him. before i cant anymore. FUck.i hate it.

Ooo.BUt mum bought me some real Cool winter wear from FOX on sunday.. aww..thanks mum. a miracle you actually bought stuff for me.. Wow.. can you believe it.. 159 BUcks..but thats kinda cheap already.. i bought a soft brown pants .. and this nice warm not forgetting Funky off white jacket.. Wow.. talk about coolness.. add a lil BLing-BLing on my neck.. and Wham.. CHoi's gonna rock the world!*grins* im way getting over my pride.. ooo got this long sleeve off shoulder top.. sporty feeling to it. i like it.. i need BLings BLIngs!! somebody please kindly donate to me.. whoever does get free brownies!

sigh*** still feeling down.. neglected..kinda feeling..

2004-11-11T22:36:00.000-08:00

todae was COmpletely exhilirating..tOtally rocking my mood.. and yeah..
UTTERLY SUNBURNT!!

training todae at jurong. SEriously thought that theres gonna be shuttle bus service..but in the end... Oh no..there wasnt.. argh. i have ta walk out agAin..sweaty and all..at least i still reached jurong on time..but im sick of just realising im late..or theres no bus out..or my mums not fetching me..and just carrying such a huge duffel bag and walk all the way out from my crib.

all excited to play rugby again.. was trying ta do my best..think of ways to beat the opponents..and *Bamb* shah Had to dampen my mood at that moment...i mean.. yeah i do know that i can run..sprint even.. BUt he had to just put me off by saying i wont be able to sprint..so i just have to try my best out on the field and leave the breaking-e-defence part to others...this was what he said :" choi and eunice..just do your best"and the rest of my team he was praising them telling them they can perform well.. imean.. what the fuck...is he realli doubting my performance.. i contribute to the team too.. He thinks too little of me.. but its beginning to cast doubts in my head too. im confident enough to say that im not Lousy..not excellent but Never Sucky on the field!!!Maybe im lousy..or maybe he didnt see me play for such a long time he forgot that im better than what he thinks i am. But oh boy.. come ta speak of it.. i feel real lousy now too..

BUT... swimming in jurong sports complex was like.. WOW .. had a blast there.. with the ruggers..haha. WE were like excited girls screaming at every opportunity that we could..
linking all the floats together forming a circle.. screaming when we lose grip of one other where the circle will become a line.. i LOVe the WAVE pool.. Wow.. it was like..HAha..loads of ppl there though.. I was FORCED to be the first to slide down the HUGe slide.. i was like.. OMG "I dun wanna be first!!" screaming all the way down..with the rest of my fellow Screamers right behind me. HAhaha.the thought of it is makign me smile..went to the slide another time.. took a couple of pictures.. didnt like the part where i had ta wait in line ta bath.. also didnt liek the ah bengs there...tsk tsk. dun like them

I actually Had my whole MEAl on the mrt.. *opps* with ah ning..haha..happily takign out my burger munching and chattign away.. with the mashed potatos next.. ppl were staring at us but i dun realli give a toot. i didnt eat breakfst nor lunch and its 2pm already!give us a slack mar.

wow my tan lines are like..one of a kind..you know gusy from maris stella .. their pe shirts are singlets..so those ppl from there.. Wow.. they got those nice different tones: dark chocolate brown frm the shoulders to the fingers..the rest is light brown.. THAts me.. and it HURts..

missing fuzzy

2004-11-10T16:40:00.000-08:00

Yawns.. im dead tired.. training ydae was the first official one that i sweat it out on the field.
now my arms are aching.. my legs are crying for help and my butt is... just sore.

tml we are gona train in jurong!!! WOots woots! i can barely wait.. then right after that we are gonna have a splashing time in jurong swimming complex.Gonna be my first time swimming there..do hope its gonna be a blast...but its way early at830am..yawns..

my matches would be on the 16th and 17th..oH boy..all my rugby skills are up to my own standard yet..ever since promos preparations started.. I Realli hope tml i would make use of whats the time left to get focused on strategies to win..and break throught the defence.. and basically get my passion for rugby back..cuz its Missing! i need it back.. summore we will be playing against HCJC>.SAJC and NYp.. as much as i Hate NYp cuz that jerk is in there.. NYp rugby team is so far the best... though i cant beat them.. i will make sure THey remember nyJC's team..

im realli happy todae.. i finally got to meet fuzzy.. i got no idea how much i missed him till i met him.. yupp.. gave him the present.. *grins..its actually kinda NOT a present thing.. but im real glad he liked it.. i wanna give him sumthin that he actually will use it. Haha.. all in all.. i just MISs him so much man..i mean..yeah the last week we kinda had a few upsets.BUt once we met its all gone.... haha. HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-11-07T23:37:00.000-08:00

Grew up in a small town,
And when the rain would fall down,
I'd just stare out my window.
Dreaming of what could be,
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray.

Try hard to reach out,
But when I tried to speak out,
Felt like no-one could hear me.
Wanted to belong here,
But something felt so wrong here.
So I'd pray,I could break away.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish,
take a chance,
Make a change,
and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,Make a change,
and break away.

Wanna feel the warm breeze,
Sleep under a palm tree,
Feel the rush of the ocean,
Get onboard a fast train,
Travel on a jetplane,Faraway, and break away.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,Make a change,
and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,Make a change,
and break away.

Buildings with a 100 floors,
Swinging around revolving doors,
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me.
But I gotta keep moving on moving on,
Fly away, break away.

2004-11-07T20:27:00.000-08:00

im fucking sad
ok maybe it isnt realli sad..moody..confused.hovering near the edge of paranoidity(if theres a word) But before that i was feeling bored.

maybe its just me...im stuck at home.. switched from animal planet to national geographic..saw animal mating..(which is real cruel btw)..Stared outside the balcony at the world.. felt like Just Tearing my window grills so i can fly out.. Todae wasnt realli Unproductive in a way.. i LEarnt how ta cook! as in spaghetti and pizza.. yumms. wont tell ya the receipe.*family secret..but it beats staring at a box which is alive..the pizza was exceptionally delicious.

cleaned out the shoe cabinet...Wow..my mum actually has some funky shoes!it was also a sharp reminder i got No real shoes to my name..i need heels..sports shoe..and sneakers!talking abt which..imma write a list of stuff imma buy in Hong kong and taipei...yeah..sis and bro had to go school/tuition..so i pei-ed them out..Spot sum nice stuff to buy for fuzz.. then had dinner ..CHicken rice! i dunno im getting sick of chicken..its always chicken.. maybe i shall try..hmmm... goat? Oh YUCk

tml imma go see the optician..get a new pair of contacts..cuz mine its like..becomign WHITE!!! scary..hope nothings wrong with my eye too.. i still wanna see the world.

things got from Me being a very satisfied pig to a fuckign pissed bitch the moment i logged on.
F.U.C.K

Oh and by the way.
HAppY BIRTHDAY to : FAwwaz(son) Waffie(sista) Alf.. YIEn Li (my babe) i love ya guys

2004-11-04T13:22:00.000-08:00

Here i am, on the eve of chinese a levels
Bush has won.Again.I wonder why everyone is giving such a big fuss abt it.frankly i dun give a shit cuz i dun like his face..Why is everyone so focused on them? this is one perfect example of unequality..they being the superpower and all.Can anyone just imagine without laughing out loud that Spore or any other country can become the superpower? (forget our physical size that is) US..yes she can control the other countries..but she aint able to control herself. Look at all the school killings. Come on? Guns are sold like candies?whats next? mass weapons of destruction?There is something seriously wrong within the country. Straits times today printed abt 4 pages of stuff of the elections. i Mean..we have more pressing matters at hand dont ya think.

the murder of the lil girl. i come to realise what the editors have in mind.All they tell us is how devasted the mum is. HOw many stuff they bought to burn with the girl..how many stuff did strangers left for the girl. I wanna Know HOw did such a thing happen? HOw did she get killed? Frankly just by telling me in one pathetic statement of her being suffocated before BLowing on HOw much The couple spent to buy the goods to be burnt with her isnt enough for me, at all.i wanna know when she died and how she got into that box. and nobodys telling me anythin..

i come to realise..that our way of life..is realli pulling us down.We are so focused on human matters: elections, materialistic desires..and all other crap. Even Killings. how can you Ever bear to kill another? we are not savage creatures.we Dont Kill our own to eat them ( for the majority that is). we have reach a stage of civillisation, killing for revenge?or pure ecstacy?

cant they realise that we are destorying Gods creations?The air..the very nonexistence of it is unthinkable: mankind pollutes it with toxic chemicals. The water..we kill all the endangered species in it.pulling out peices of corals that will ultimately destroy and kill the whole reef..

i look out of my balcony and im embraced with a sensation of happiness.of peace and calmity..nothing which can be bought or described perfectly.. the way the wind is blowing..gently carressing my face.. the way the clouds gather and shape..the different tones of blue in the sky..with the sweep of golden orange which the sunset brings.. the occasional bird soaring throught the sky..the way a gentle but firm wind passing through me..as if wanting to lift me up to the heavens. at that moment. i wanna just scream

i love you God

2004-11-01T15:15:00.000-08:00

im in taiwan
i repeat... calling from taiwan

ok actually im in kaoshiung specifically
dads house

i tell ya.. Dads house is SUPERb
its like an arts musem or sumthin
everywhere i go..
i see art peices.. paintings.. artifacts..statues..
i love the balcony..
the floor is glass!!..then theres shells and sand inside..
dads room.. a huge painting in front of the bed..
famed in gold and marble glass..
Wow i love his room

we lost a baggage on our way here from hk
KAoz.. speak of the service..
at least we got it few hours later..
it was still stuck in hk..
lucky my clothes in another luggage

ydae we went to this HUge mall...
its like this warehouse..everythin comes in boxes
the pads come in boxes
Pringles comes in 5 tubes in a box
put it simply..everythin is HUGE!
hmm.. that means condoms are in packs of boxes la
*winks

bought loads of files and notebooks.. cuz they are SUper cool
eat dinner at home todae.

im so not wearing contacs here.. the pollution here will Kill me
gonna wear it when i go hk..
not now..

got a lil sore throat..
dunno why

going taipei a few days later

let the shopping begins!

2004-10-31T13:26:00.000-08:00

Sometimes your feeling so sad.so down.but have no idea why

im feeling that way..not pms..but i guess..just down..like something's just not right.Halloween party ydae was one of a kind.My first seeing ppl dressed up.and the band was prettygood.Cept that there was such a small turnout. it would have been great if there were more ppl coming over to party.next year..it will be a blast.

He was upset that im upset.But the thing is.Why on earth am i UPset?Because all hes frens were there dancing away with him and i felt small?Because "you are so conservative" these words stung?Because i see him having so much fun and i wanna join in but i cant let loose yet?
Because i couldnt get into the haunted house? Because my night with him wasnt what i expected it to be?Because maybe you got me pissed on fridae? Because..because of What??!

Myabe im conservative..That i cant get myself to let loose.But if thats the case,why on earth am i dancing away with pear with no fucking care of whos watching when everybody was watching a mad woman with that golden mask on dancing at the back of the hall??By the way..the mask was realli nice. Come to speak of it.I Hate being called conservative.i know im not.or maybe i am.. but thats me. i cant change that can i? or maybe im not upset becuz of that.

How can i explain to you why im upset when i got no fucking idea why am i in the first place?you realli know me well. serious. i didnt even Say anythin and you knew sumthins wrong. But whats wrong? i DUnno.serious. i wish i had my frens down there ydae..not everyone being year twos..

Fridae i went shopping with pauline.was pretty cool..hanging out then shopping. i was looking for winter clothes. saw this nice white top..Forever 21.$38...gotta So have it..but right now i have onli four bucks to my name.Not good..not good.

report cards are back.Come to think of it.I realli made a long way.mid years..im like bottom for everythin cept for gp.which also wasnt realli good.. Nandwani waas in a way proud of me i guess.. "your mid years were HORRible..but you improved a lot" For gp.. im top 11 in the whole school. Geog top 20 for whoever is taking geog. and Econs top 22 for one hell lot of ppl who are taking econ. maths ..bottom 25 .. chinese..right SMakc in the middle..which means half of the population who took chinese is better And worse than me.well. imma aim for A's next year..by the mid years that is.

im still upset. BUt WHY

2004-10-24T19:59:00.000-07:00

pw totally ruins post exam spirit
its like so unfair for all of us..rushing for the deadlines.when we are supposed ta
mug for chinese(didnt say i was mugging for chinese btw)
oh hell with that anyway...i got more impt stuff to stress abt. Pw just..dun give a toot.

heres how i did for my promos. Gp 59.bernice is the top.as usual.haha. geog 63..one more mark to get Second position...dang.. Econs 63..WOots..am i the top?chinese 61.. and Finally..maths..sigh.44.5.. wells. i HAve ta say im realli proud of myself.fuzzy's proud of me too.
i mean all the hard work(well during those days i realli mugged) paid off.compared to my mid years..wow.you shld see the difference.i always thought it was imPossible for me to ace.i mean..cuming frm Peirce and all.you cant believe how proud am i for going this far..This shows..if i put my mind into not screwing my promos up.A's isnt realli a scary thing i guess.
looking back at Jc life.imma jsut gonna laugh it off.like saying: wow you cant believe how hard i Mug for A's. im not gonna be saying: i wish i mug more..no way. im not gonna disappoint myself.yupp..for now.. GOOD JOB choi.haha.

fuzzy came over my cRib again todae..saw him walking in from the balcony.Sprang him
a suprise when he walked out.im sho sho Happy to see him..SErious.its like..all the wonderful
sensation of Jubilation..spirits soaring by the sight of you..you totally made my day..i
love it when your sacarstic..then giving me a wink and that sheepish grin.i lvoe it when your
serious and the daylight shine towards your back.*awwwZ*realli. you dunno how charming
you look.*grins* nice massage btw..love the part where you masaged my back.it was realli comfortable.was sorry it ended so soon..it was RAIning ..no actually it was Pouring.
got this smal umbrella to ourselves..haha.and i kept losing grip of my slippers.took turns getting wet.Haha.oh wells. It was fun.oo.and did i tell ya>?

you always smell so nice.

2004-10-20T22:58:00.000-07:00

i love you fuzzy. i really do.
spent the Entire day with you todae.
7am in the morning..went ta pasir ris.
nobody was there..just us. the cool breeze.. sandy beach..coconut trees
we sat there talking.you taught me how to flick the stones
we sat there..talking..when this cat comes up and snuggle up next to us
if someone actaully took a picture of that moment.how nice it would seem.
the morning sun shining through the trees on us and the cat
closing my eyes with you giving me a massage
opening them to see the waves lapping against the shore
i stare into your eyes.its like some special feeling inside me
that i realli love you a lot.that i never experience before
somehow i seem to know you for ages.that the time we spent together doesnt count
i just know that i cant believe we are together
i thought it was just a dream
yeah i cant believe it.. we are together
went ta your crib ta watch white chicks..it was hilarious btw.
headed down to the multistorey carpark to skateboard
sat on the skates and you pushed my down the slope..terrifying ordeal to be honest
but i lvoe to skate..i love your skateboard.literally falling to pieces *winks
i will also remmeber that Very day you came to my house
remember we sat at the balcony at night..sipping apple juice and talk till 9pm?
remember we sat at the window ledge of my mums room and enjoy the night scenery?
remember how much we talked about that day?
and me styling your hair for the first time
if you wont remember
i will.
forever.

2004-10-11T20:12:00.000-07:00

a typical..lazy..post exams day

waiting for my friends to come and tan.nice weather realli.perfect to have a nice tan..not sunburnt tan.*winks*

yesterdae i tell ya was a blast..couldnt decide on where ta eat. Ame wanted breeks.and we all wanted sumthin else.so we played open numbers.Ame won..headed down to wisma to find Breeks wasnt there! played open numbers again..HUazy won this time.SO marche shall be.. Whoa..one big ROund table.Filled with..roasted meat.rostti..crepes..fried calamari..pizza..and root beer..my stomach was like bloated..haha..

i got no IDea whats with them you know..its like on a EArring frenzy spree..and they gotta influence me into it too.. you know those Long earrings ..yupp i bought3 of them..actually is one side of each only..Get what i mean?we bought three pairs.i took one of each pair..one is jeans material..the other red indian looking with feathers and last the POLO sweets!haha.SHWEet..took pics.yupp.

my feet was aching by the time i met fadz.he was a real sweet..dragged him around everywhere to decide on what bus ta take home n he didnt mind. AWwww.But we saw his frens halfway..apparently they kenw i had a crush on him Ages ago..and they told him.thats what fadz told me.Zzz.i do N Ot like their frens.and their Gfs for that matter.All KpoS..haha.i took pics with him too. uploaded all of them in frenster.

Guess what. OH man i saw PEIRCIANS.SO Many of them..i dunno but its like..i see them. i go ; argh get out of my face.Haha.so mean..i dunno pss changed alot against my liking..ydae saw Loads of Jc ppl in town too..for the FIRst time i see NYJc ppl Everywhere i go. GOot..at least i know nyjc isnt tat GEEky as i presumed.i saw Eugene too! he damn tall..yeah and loads of school frens..

fadz was telling me it was nautral instinct for men to look at girls legs..I mean..c'mon whats wrong with wearing a skirt.argh..if MEn like it then THEy wear it then.HAha..oh wells..hes gonna say imma call MAle species pervert again.which is true..

which is true.

2004-10-10T23:37:00.000-07:00

Aights ppl sit tight. new skin. new blog. new start.*grins*

shall say a lil why i chose this skin ya.. firstly it has nUthing ta do with green.. i mean too much green Gotta hurt somehow.*winks*and i got this lil thing for angels..yupp.i guess i love the way they have wings and i dont.and whose hearts are filled with innocence and love.They have wings..which kinda represent freedom for me...freedom to be Myself with anybody.freedom for my mum to respect who i am.I guess..just freedom to go wherever i want i guess...

im glad everythin its sorta settled.that you, my dear aint in some shit mess crap anymore..so its one big burden off you now. BUt now..its the matter of you and me huh. i guess your right..you dun wanna rush things .Neither do i.like you said..your priorities are those ppl In your wallet. and somehow i respect that dude.cuz probably thats the most nobel thing i ever heard anyone saying. AHahahakz

zakir you peice of crap.this is MY blog so if your reading this.its not my freaking problem here.You got the cheek to come and talk to me huh..oh man.. uh huh.. piece of Shit i tell ya. You for one matter should know what you have done. I tell ya..you THink i wanna know your new number? i tell you back : whatEVER for? to call you? SHeesh dude youre thinking to highly of yourself. You changed too much. TOO much for aNYone who knew you back then's liking. Take a look at yourself at the mirror..i seriously want you to change. The ego. .the insensitivity and the FLIrts to just change. .MY BESt FREN YOU KNOw. HELlo knock knock DOesn ANything get into your head. frankly i still cant get over that fact. YOu fucking changed too much.

but. wait a sec, why shld i care?

Anyways.im cool..yupp..cuz i got better things to think about.tml is girls day out. gonna meet fadz after that to take sum Neoprints.haha.but the thing is.. i feel kinda childish whenever i stepped into those neomachines shop.. i mean everyone aroudn you is younger than you..too old man..too old.hey their problem? hahaz.ame says she wanna get sumthin from breeks. im fine with anythin i guess. as long as the budget is BElow 30 bucks..anything goes with me there.TUesdae TANNIng session..with all da HOT babes man. i cant wait.. i need a nice TOne for my legs...gotta get some tanning cream though.me no have one.

you know what mum. Your frens all Suck.seriously.I got the right to be angry.cuz they got the right to mind their own business.frankly i think im the only case that wherever i go.your frens see me.i mean. WHAT THE hell is the problem of waLKing with a guy Huh. YOU TELL Me man. DOEs it MEAN IM HAVING SEX WITH him. DOEs it MEAN IM steadying with him. YOU tell me. HOW old are ya...this kinda thing YOU also believe..ARghs the thought of it.. dads quite cool though..Hes jsut basically trying to MAke me laugh when mums scolding me at his side..iM serioUS .HE WAS LAUGHing.haha..i got a cool dad i admit.BUt..i hate all my mums frens.I HATE THEM ALL.from young till now.NONE of them can get off my back. WHEREs my freedom here..i mean kaoz. ..do you guys only CALl my mum when you see me??then the rest of the time you just dont talk to her at all.. Pls dun tell me. she ASKEd you to do that huh? sigh.......

i wanna break free.

i wanna break away.

2004-10-09T08:21:00.000-07:00

YEs. FInally promos are over. DONe. FINALIsed. WHOO HOOOOOOOOOO

haha. oh wells... i dun realli care how i did already.. i mean.. like no use fretting abt it anyway rights. SO if anyone were to ask how my promos went. imma jsut say: its ok. can pass. HAhaha *winks*

i knew something abt something from someone that i shouldnt have known. and i realli pray that He knows how i realli feel right now..its very hard to jsut have a cold shoulder when all those things happen already..buT i know i must.its very unfair to me.Or the other person. i hope you understand.wait. you HAve to anyway.When i read all those stuff THat person posted on your myspace.and you to That person..i was like.. What the hell.. how can this be happening. i suddenly found myself thikning. You msut be lying to me..You jsut needed a distraction rights. Sigh. i hope you settle it soon. I hate being lied to. I repeat. I hate being LIEd to.

BAck to my plans for POST PROMOS. haha.. here GOES!!
sundae- tanning by the pool. design notice board for ruggers

monday-Girls day out. ame pear and huaZy

tuesdae- tanning with ho before heading school for rugby

wednesdae- one busy day. LEAP carnival

thurs- another busy day. NYJC open house.

fri- ........ ok fine.. i haven planned anythin till this day.. Oh wells.. at least i PLAnned it right. *winks*

i was planning like a HUge pool party..jsut for ruggers. Including guys that is.. then in that way. many poeple.. MANY people would have to thank me for it. *grins* haha.. and at least let me get distracted by all the whirlwind of events that unfolded thruout the week. hope ah ning will get my mood back up tml.. She HAve to. Im dying here.

2004-09-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

hey guys.. MOrning. Yes finally i get to blog..but the fact is i skipped maths lecture.In the library now..guess imma skip geog too..this is getting way too tired for me. i did work all the way from Nine to two in the morning..woke up with bloodshot eyes and all.
*yawns* its eleven days to promos..Intensive knowlege gathering is under way..hopefully i can pull thru ya? Preserverance is the value of the term....

well i haven pretty much blog for a long time..fadzli and i went to watch dogeball..we are pretty close now..i guess i didnt regret adding him in the first place ya.ooo and his hair..nice styling bro.keep it up..imma seeing him on fridae..gonna go library @ esplanade ta study.

*yawns* i can realli count how many times i yawned already.Might break a world record..Shaneet well..is avoiding me?i guess he got the hint or sumthin..OPps.but i hate to lose such a fren..hes very interesting to be with.and he loves pink.Omgooodness..haha.metrosexual.
B Ut i guess i will miss the times we had lunch outings together..all the nice food..speaking of which im hungry..sussage and mushroom omelette in cafe cartel sounds enticingly delicious i tell ya.its just a few bus stops away...WHY did i come school ANYWAy.

WHy did i come school.. cuz of the leap carnival thing..im one of the comittee..supposed to take care of the booth.*yawns* they have to make it before promos do they? but oh well.. could play a lil rugby..guess that will perk me up a lil bIts.heres my Ponning plan of the month - skip geog lec and tutorial todae. on fridae skip chinese( gotta come sch cuz of fadz) then next mondae and wed not coming school at all.unless study group under way..yupp and fridae is study leave.

time flies huh. i guess what everyone says abt jc life is true. Ms tang said her jc life was in a haze..books ive read..every working adult said that THey studied their HARdest during a levels. My life ..now is on the Japan Bullet train.ITs going way too fast.just giving me time to look at anything outside the window at the corner of my eye. and POof its gone.. wow...BUt i guess i got the power to prevent it from crdashing..by pressing the right buttons or sumthin..

library dman freaking blardy cold.can they jsut transfer some of the coldness into the Lts? its like a sauna in there.. *yawns*..todae imma intend to look at all geog tutorials.econs essay.dd n supply...its during thesse times i test my preserverance.and it aint gonna stop here.No way.Uh uh.

2004-09-07T10:47:00.000-07:00

okie guys..this will be one of the few rare moments i have to blog..promos coming and all..twenty six days to go..im feeling very drained just by the thought of it..i realli have no mood of studying right now..sumbody inspire me pLEAse i tell ya.
apparently my blog can be accessed to whoever in the school computer..Hmmm..hope if YOur looking at it right now But you dun know me..Please PRAy that my frens aint near you..cuz i will castrate you a-live..
fadz.is a real nice guy to be with..but right now i guess i want him as a fren. ah ning asked me who do i feel happier with...well..happier with i guess its none.. i just feel comfortable with both..right now.. guess im in a dilemma huh..oh well.. takes time
q.n told me he lieks me..but i like him as a fren onli.. hes a bit freaky that guy..
my AUnt saw my nickname in msn.. my nck was '' FUCK YOU MUM I HATE YOU GET OUT OF MY LIFE I HATE MY FAmily..'' yupp thats abt it..what my nic was on that day..and my aunt..who was using my cousins account saw it.. sigh..sent me this freaking long emial Scolding me about my values and all.. got me so freaked out when i saw that msg..Realli pray she doesnt go and tell my mum abt it.
alrights..i guess this will be realli the RARe moments i blog until promo over.. SEE Ya

2004-08-28T11:43:00.000-07:00

Hey HEy!!!! im back..from dunno how many days of non blogging

Yupp yupp loads of stuff ta add one..
the date went well...actually i never thought of it as one..he jsut assumed it was..but hes a great gp tutor.
the tuition by the waterfront was like way cool.. your being enlightened while watching a beautiful view.
crap..he brought me to mandarine hotel..the place has a great archeitecture(funny feeling sp is wrong)
yupp..one thing abt fadzli is that hes a real gentlemen..an artistic character who loves writing.yupp
leading me across the road..me first before him in entraces.doors escalators...a bit touchy though..
oh well..BUT BUT..rumours have been flying round that i like him..which was true in the first place...but
m beginning to see that i dont like him in that sense..i mean..ehs cute..but once i get to know him better..i guess
i dont think hes my type..and his ego..i realised its damn big.*shakes head*

theres another guy.. 'hah'is hes nickname..recently i got ta know he likes me.But i actually have no idea
whether i like him nots..cuz personality is where he can makes me laugh..and he can guess my feelings of
the day accurately..oh well.. this is another confusing thing to note.. we shall see how it goes yeah?

MUM is making me very confused..(what can i say.its been a confusing week too)..i realised that me and her
do not communicate often..i dunno why..i want to.BUt i jsut seem to make her piss everytime i open my mouth.
i realli have to find when was the time our communication broke down..and what was the reason to it.what i
feel is that she raised me up by punishment..where the best thing i thought that i could do is shut up and keep
away from her so that i wouldn get into trouble.i guess thats all that started from ba.
she actually Called dad all the way frm hk airport and demanded him to deal with me.Haha..i can tell dad was pissed
not at me..but dsturbing him at that hour..he udnerstands me more..no ..actually the phrase is..he TRIes to unders-
tand me more.

LIfe... Jc life is one hell of a ride..busy everyday..by the time you ever go home.You just love to be alone...sit at the
balcony with a good book or just stare at the night sky..feeling the cool breeze..and appreciate life itself..with the
whole package :bitter sweet and sorrow.sometimes i marvel at LIfe itself..animals..can plants talk?how do they
express love..how does it feel to soar right up to the heavens and go round the world without politics betrayal
and other human stuff.back to Jc life...i lvoe everymoment of it..cuz i know i would be freaking bored with out it..

Promos in 38 days time

FUCk

2004-08-23T01:28:00.000-07:00

eileen sucks

fuzzlee rules

fuzzlee reali rules

2004-08-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

whats the emptiness im feeling.
it aint suppsoe to be this way
your giving me e signs and signals
but i wanna hear you say
that you love me
and all the world shall see
that we were meant to be
are we?

i really cant take this any longer
tell me somethin else i'll burst
im sure you feel the same
but this aint a game
no one will ever reach the line first

pLEase tell me you love me
just give me a hug
else i'll never love again
nothing will be the same

this is one thing i have no control over
my feelings for you
your feelings for me
i guess theres no chance for you and me
soon we shall see

But cant you see
that i love you

2004-08-20T20:01:00.000-07:00

i have no idea what happen to my class..must be the fishys passed them their virus or sumthin.SEven peeps never come school todae..SEVEn..our class not that bigh los..i tell ya its a very significant.and unlcuky number.
clique onli left with me and mag..we all very sad.haha..had breakfast in the canteen..i ate cold hash brown..econs lec i was so pai seh la..got no idea why was i that sleepy..must be ydae all energy drained out...i feel asleep.suddenly got nudged awake by mag.mr nandwani was staring at me with the 'whats wrong with you!'that kind of expression..haha.i was Tact pai seh la..mamnaged to laugh it thru.Ooos then he came down the row again..and saw me without my notes..boy was i so screwed up..at least he didnt bully me during tutorial which i tot he would.i got 5/20 for spring test los....you know what he wrote: if you dun work harder.your not gonna make it to j2..wow..its like a warning to me..whoa..cold reality shock.i mean..i know i need effort...but not that much right.i guess from now on..i have to study.REalli REAlli study.cant be lazy to do anythin and sleep the whole day.which i just did.SIgh...i wanna get promoted.I dun care i want to.
now abt fadzli..todae its like mircle la.I SAW HIM EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!first break i saw him..his class(his in lynns class.lynn bdae todae)..so i said hi..he touched my arm looked right into me.and said hi.ok in words he sound like a perv..but its not..haha.then i went to vending machine ta get a drink..he went behind me..when the drink was dispensed down..he Took my drink while i was getting the change you know.im like: hey hey hey!wat you think you doing???''but he did the sweetest thing..he helped me to get the drink..get the straw out and poke it inside!saved me the trouble of bendig down. *shys*yupp yupp..then second break..pw meeting was over.their cuming over me house on sundae.so i went down ta canteen to join fazi and siti.KWEL and a few minutes later he came down.turns out fazi and sit are a bunch of CLowns i tell ya..i cant stop laughing..they kenw abt fadzli so wah laoz..TEASING me non stop.ok hes like on the fist table near the malay food.im the last table near the sink...yupp..i couldnt dare to look at him cuz fazis teasing me..yupp..they went to get a drink.left me alone cuz i was eating..looked up and he winked at me.haha.NOw for the EXciting part.JUst as i was about to smile back.this freaking tall guy sat right inthe middle of our way..blocking the FREAKING PAssageway of communication!it was fucking fucking funny la..we both laughed.*grins*..then when he was abt to go..he went to our table cuz next ta it was the dustbin.i too lazy to get up so asked him tohlep me.he did and smiled to me before going.keke.
skipped a bit of chiense todae.. cuz was talking to shannet.he was alone mar..and i was waiting for mags pw to finish..so we talked a lot..me and him..hes a nice person to talk to..just that his frens was teasing him just cuz i was sitting there.losers..rest assured i wont even sit with them then...all cant make it.in the looks and attitude.faz came and asked whether i started playing the song nots.weird.i told him i cant be playing todae cuz of pw and chinese last night already.maybe he forgot.
oooo..i tell ya.i got my rugby polo shirt todae!!!!!!!!!!its realli nice ta wear..yupp now i love fridaes le..cuz i noe when and where ta see him.
study time le.this time i cant get to sleep.

another fishy died again.
what the hell.

2004-08-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

loads of stuff happened while i was off bloggin.
had loads of project deadlines this week..alrights i shall give a breif summary.tuesdae was maths spring test..dun ask me how i knew theres gonna be a test when its supposed to be spring.lousy teacher.*shakes head*thursdae is geog term paper deadline..i magaged to finish it the night before.from 9 to 3 am..wished i could take a nap in sch todae.but all the lessons were impt.*shrugs..hope i dont fall alsp in the movies later..tml.which is a fri would be written report deadline...i wonder why must they call it a DEADLINe..i guess they presumed all ppl will be dead before they reach the line or sumthin.*bleahz..written report.no survey evalutaion done.no intro done.no prediction done..i tell you im basically dead till e fact that im embracing it..
gonna go catch a movie with jenghis todae. alien vs predator or stepford wives.. i can bet you to the last dollar hes gonna be late as always..he better make an exception todae.i gtg home at 8 plus..or maybe we gonna chill in esplanade.. i need to get a pretty notebook.write my homeworks and stuff.
ooooo..Goodie NEws!!!fadzli gonna be my Gp tutor.. as in mentor..he was saying he teaches mother tongue to some sec kid..so i was saying whetherhe teaches gp..and he says he doesnt but wld love ta help..cuz its gonna benefit him and me too. KWel...so its gonna be every thursdae for my tution..ahahaha. hope i do productive work instead of staring at his smile onli..*faints..hes smile is LOVEly i tell ya..i told him whether its a bother but he says no cuz he will get to do some gp and can look at me too..aww.but i think tis just a flirty thing.he said i wanna see him cuz hes shuai.partly true..butno need so bhb rights...cant wait for next thursdae..wonder what hes gona teach me.
im actually skipping gp to write this.im gona meet up with fawwaz and bong to hear them pratice their gig..their songs are realli nice..gonna let you guys hear it some day...guitar skills are fantastic.yupp
gonna change song for the band in tcher days.hope i learn the scores in time.

i lost count how many weeks to promos.but i know its 46 days

double screwed

2004-08-19T07:16:00.000-07:00

Whatever Tomorrow Brings

2004-08-14T23:47:00.000-07:00

lets see.a freaking tiring day..had two tests ..gp and maths..gp was alright..i know im either gonna pass or just fail..couldnt concentrate much..test in lecture hall..neck so cramped..*DoinKZ*oh well..over le..stomach grumbling all the way thru the 3 hr paper..i wonder who heard..haha.*shys*..had ta rush for danc practice..not bad..at least we though of a few more steps in one hour..got all the butt shaking hip twisting acts..i hoep they dun find it too sensual or somethin..i dun realli agree with the putting letters behind our backs to spell WE-love-you thingy..but we gotta show the teachs we love them..as if man..maths test next...that was alright..just passed i think...im getting better in maths.hope i dun get SEven again..zzz.ill prolly kill myself upside down.

MY fav part of the day : ESPLANADE!!!!!!! i love going there..first you gotta know i hate being in an air con place for long..i love the breeze..the scenery and a nice drink..our geog project..gotta take pictures of places of interest.we chose esplanade...great topic..so many things to take pics of..we took a few crappy ones..like pretending to be on top of the durian..when its just a camera trick...sitting on the edge of the roof terrace when its not allowed...chilling at the waterfront...feeling the breeze..there were loads of cute guys on the terrace studying too..maybe one day i would go there with fadzli..one day.LOls..

my next FAv activity..CHOCOLATE INDULGENCE..the choco bar in esplanade was SUperb man.. felt so happy when one whole menu is placed in front of you..NOthing but PURe chocolate.. ate the choco fondue..and choco shot..its just pure delight man..... got HIgh after that..crapped around..laughed loud..we actually waited for our 30cents change when it was meant to be a tip..oh boy. i aint gonna go there in sch uni again..

went home.during the mrt ride i was next to this grp of guys..those almost adult ah bengs..one was boasting he has 3 steads staying near each other and was like saying how he would f***k the girl up cuz she went to meet anotehr guy so that she wont do it again..that kind of shit.I was freaking pissed i stormed out of the train.Wtf..what does he think women are man..he can push so many gals around..take advantage of her and watever SHiats..but not for long..i believe hes gonna learn his lesson the hard way.nobody can gets what he wants unless he does it in pure faith.i wish i could have slapped him..hes not even CUte i tell ya.....cant make it la..FAIl fail..slap him man.

no more fishy died today..*fingers crossed*

2004-08-14T00:04:00.000-07:00

firday the 13th.i just knew it was gonna be a bad day from the start.woke up on the wrong side of the bed.one of those days you feel theres no purpose and is absolutely sure the NOthing will go your way todae..maybe its just my mood..cuz one fantastic thing happened today but i dont seem to be appreciating it.saw fadzli on the bus todae.FINAlly..after one whole week of not seeing him...not talking to him..but that didnt realli count cuz i saw him before rugby training ydae..he smiled and waved..this 1oo kW smile which immediately light up my entire day..i love guys with beautiful smiles.even better if they have lovely eyes which stare deep into ya.Back to fadzli..yupp saw him on the bus..managed to persuade yi li they all to walk slowly when we got off..so i could talk ta him..he came and said hi..yupp..i felt realli comfortable talking to him..no nervousness and stuff..talked abt school..my dad..haha..shit..i always forget to ask for his number..i realli realli hope that i will be able ta see him again..before he doesnt come to school altogether and go to army..zzz..cant the GOv allow jc guys to go ARmy after uni?makes every couple so sad..sigh..i dunno what he feels abt me...just plain frens i guess...bong saw me walking in..gave me that stupid i-know-somethin smile..haha.wipe it off man

i was kinda pissed and just damn upset abt the performing on tchers day thing.i mean...the guys haven even practiced counting the stars yet..how are we supposed to perform it..its 5 minutes onli..i guess they gonna cancell it away..but faz rang me up..sorta apologised and all..wat can i say..bong and faz are nice guys..we have ta find a vocal soon if we wanna play.yupp.chatted with him quite a bit before hanging up..and the dance thingy..oo boy are we in deep shit.auditions on wed..and we haven cheorographed till the chorus yet.nobodys free on anyday..just in between breaks for just half an hour..i doubt we can finish it in time..sigh..i feel shit la basically..so much to be done.so lil time..

seven weeks 2 days to promos. Freak-a-lick

another fishy died..oh man..must be a Virus inside the tank or sumthin.SOMEBODY SAVE MY FISHIES..i dun wan them all ta die such a horrible death-chain reaction..

2004-08-12T15:46:00.000-07:00

what are you trying to get
playing your games without any rules
leading me on and on
whats wrong

you pulled me up so high
only to drop me down the ground
your speaking to me, but i cant cant hear what your trying ta say
like a deaf talking to the blind

please tell me soon
before i break apart and leave all things behind

an invisible wall is between us
unbreakable by distance
unchangable by heart

leading me on and on
whats wrong

2004-08-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

my fishy died... its dead.. sinked to the bottom.. sigh.. a proper burial needed.

2004-08-08T14:07:00.000-07:00

Its a sundae.
another typical.boring old sundae where i cant get my butt off the armchair. again.
there are some realli good shows in kids central ta watch ya know.. like teen titans.. jimmy nuetron. yeah yeah call me childish...its like a battle in my head constantly.shld i go study now..But i cant feel any energy to..YOu cant!rpomos Comin!!but how can i study when the tv is on!switch it off then dammit..im too lazy..or maybe im just pure getting nuts...Battle of the mind..i couldnt decide who won in the end.cuz my mum(in shining MAngo suite and bally shoes) came to the rescue..she came back home!no choice but ta switch it off..for once i thanked her for coming home early..she ticked off another option for slacking.plus the fact its freakin boring home alone.and i dun have ta eat maggi again..she cooked Udon for me!with susages..it would realli go well if i had ben and jerrys vanilla.
Alrights..me and him finally chatted ydae night till midnight..yupp..he didnt reply my msg for two days..BUt ydae was like..once i hit the SEnd button.he replies 3 minutes later.I tell ya its a WORld record for the fastest reply ever in frenster history..apparently hes online..but he couldnt get into msn to chat..yupp..he remembers every detail since i added him..that time i went on the bus with my frens.he was there..so he asked me ydae whether they were talking abt him that day..Woot THick skinned..still can ask why i added him in the first place..obviously i think hes cute thats why..bu ti didnt say..must be calm and cool rights..i asked him whether hes gonan go sch on tues.i have rugby and all..and he said. why wanna see me ar. WOOT THICK SKIN man....oh well.. i dunno how he feels..But i know that i dun have that kind of excitement get what i mean..maybe cuz i never seen him a lot in sch..for one week actually.....and summore hes gonna leave sch..i dun think theres any chance dont you think so?
oh well..he managed to get into msn..we chatted quite a bit abt our likes and all..guess what..hes a fellow Loungue-er too..he loves to slack and watch the world goes by..just like me...he called me dear..Hmm..i guess he does that to every gal..so the conversation was just like a get-to-know-you session..he says he aint gonna be online often now..i wonder shld i msg him in frenster again..or just see him around in schand say hi.cuz i know he wont be online..it would be once in a blue moon.
ooooo mummy bought six lil fishes to fill into that lil glass tank with blue and white crystal pebbles..frankly..i dun have any liking to fishes..but sitting down there staring at them..i wonder how they feel..do they feel bored..swimming arnd that small tank..that kinda thing..i named a few distinctive ones.One is MIchael Angelo..cuz he/she is damn feirce..nipping the other fishes butts.there are 3 very small fish..eenie winnie and bitsy..the last two..they look the same to me..i'll think of a name soon.
kir wrote in his frenster that he wanna meet his dream princess..sumtiems i cant get over the fact i aint his princess no more.no matter how bad he treats me.frankly i wish even is He found another one..that gal will leave him..im just being sptieful..cuz he is plain old immature to handle a gal.or maybe i cant accept the fact that im not meant for him.yet.

2004-08-06T06:09:00.000-07:00

i feel damn giddy..

the whole room is spinning around me..or maybe its just my head..i feel as if i drank too much champagne..its worst than that actually.the time i drank till i couldnt get up onli.this is worse in the sense that i feel as if im on the boat..i cant get up.i cant lie down..so what can i do man.

ok this is what happened.first its Ndp todae..had this community games thingy...so theres this station..2 ppl frm each cls.blindfolded.one being a feeder.one eater.the rest of the class suppose to give both of them instructions where they 2 are standing..and make sure the feeder feeds the eater properly.Guess what.im the eater....and im suppose to eat MILO POWDEr...MILO POWDER PEOPLE...one succesful spoonful of it in my mouth means 50 points...and i ate 8 spoonfuls. EIGHT PEOPLE EIGHT SPOONFULS..and its not teaspoons mind you..those plastic spoons filled till it looks like a mini volcano..I even Breathed in Milo powder..i can still feel how powder taste like now..ARgh..everyones asking me whether im okie..i mean..You just drank an equivilant of 4 cups of milo..you think im okie?how heaty can it get..nvm..had no water with me..went to buy 100 plus..after that.Drank ice lemon tea.Then my frens bought bubble tea..i kept drinking theirs: which consits of: honey milk tea,peach ice red tea..jasmine tea...then i drank green tea...and this funny tasting pure water frm MAc..then finally Evian water...maybe theres some chemical reaction going on..i feel Drunk.Giddy..on a boat all together..its not a nice feeling..the room is spinning...spinning....Plus the fact that i didnt eat breakfast and lunch..But i just ate already..so that shldnt be the case isnt it..

went to watch THE VILLAGE todae.tell ya e truth..i tot its gonna be real sucky before i watched it.during the first part i tot it was gonna be a BAd bad choice to watch too.BUT soon i begun to notice the unexpected twists...the logical flow of the plot..the sudden shocks even when i knew it coming..realli gotta applaud M.night sumthin.he realli Does know what are the expectations of a excellent Plot to entertain the audience thruout..its like..he doesnt give much info..but you will get it without him explaining in Long lengthy conversations that kinda thing..yupp..nearly got caught by mum for sneaking to town todae...im suppose to go esplanade tml Los.THis geog project..i wish i could go.but how can i go when im still feeling giddy..we are suppsoed to take pictures of tourist attractions.so we chose esplanade..yupp..long holidae this week.4 days...which means i wont get to see him for 4 days..but i haven seen him in sch lately..3 days already.hope he appears soon.

still giddy..

2004-08-05T01:47:00.000-07:00

no maths todae~!goodie goodie.now i have one free period before geog...then two hours before rugby starts
gonna intend to do maths before rugby..i think my study time table kinda sucks..cuz i aint following it
todae revision is gp..have ta do compre..yupp
theres this guy who just becum frens with me..and he has a stead..thats what ppl tell me..well what i feel
is that he very a bit stalker type.everywhere i go..he will msg me and say that he saw me..its like Everywhere
except the classroom..wow..is it that conincidential? even if he DOesnt have a stead..hes still freaky.the
fren who gave him my number told me that ITs his fren who likes me..if so..why is he Msging me..
hmmm..*hair stands* but my fren said hes a nice guy.. two faces huh..well i just told him that if ever he
sees me..just a hi will do.
I didnt see him todae...so sad..i wish he could reply me quickly..cuz i realli wanna talk to him and stuff
or just see him in school.cuz i dont..hes gonna leave school soon..i realli wanna noe him better..sigh..
or maybe the msg i sent he cant recieve.OR maybe he already sent me one..but he didnt recieve it..opps.
getting paranoid..as always.
the guys gonna have match todae..in farrer park.considering whether to go..since mY SOn is inside..
dun ask me whenever did i had a son.Actually i have a son and a daughter now..fawaz and ah ning SElf
declared it themselves..without my CONSent..zzz..i feel old..and the worst thing is they have different
dads..oh man. i am a prostitute huh...i'll just go along with the flow then.cant win against fawaz.but for
ah ning..Heh Heh Heh..a pinch will do.found her weakness~!!

8 weeks 3 days to promos.

fuck-crewed

2004-08-04T19:36:00.000-07:00

he said hello

people he actually SAid HEllo~!!Oh my gosh..he said hello he said hello he said hello.it was ydae..walking up the stairs from the changing room.he was walking down.he saw me..and he said hi and SMILed.OH my goodness..He said HELLo..he said hello he said hello.hE SAID HELLO~!!!i said hi too..then i ran all the way up!!Oh man i cant believe it..He SAID HELLO~!!! i was so Happy..OVer the MOon during rugby,ah ning and the rest REFUSE to listen to ANYthin i was screaming about...okie..maybe it was becuz i was repeating over and over again to anyone i see on the field that HE SAID HELLo..and grabbing everyone and jump up and down..this is the craziest moments of my entire rugby life.HE SAID HELLO~!!!oh my god..just the recollection of it makes me smile..it was oNe month plus when i added him in frenster..and everytime he said hi..or tried to..i ran away.!!!cuz i was too damn shy...Yupp..wished i didnt..since he was that frenly..and guess what he actually SEnt ME a frenster msg..few days after me sending him one...said what took me SO long to REply his first msg..I Seriously DID not receive any msg from him before!WAH laoz..fucked up Comp..make me unable to receive his MSg..make me WAIt so long to becum frens..and he Said he was glad that i finalyl acknowledGED him in school..That means he knew i avoid Him..HAHa.at least hes glad..Ii didnt AVoid him in PURPOSE~!!i was too dman shy la......HE wanted to say HI all along~!!Oh man im so happy he sent me a frenster msg..hope he replies me soon..BUt hes gonna be in school for 5 more weeks before prelims.and after that hes going army!why so Soon..Sobs..im so sad..i realli regret not "acknowledging " sooner.we could have knew each other better.*Sigh* oh well we cant do anythin now can we.at least now we are frens.

OH my goodness..

HE SAID HELLO~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-08-02T11:58:00.000-07:00

okie....todae started off quite badly..
raining...late..and he wasnt on the bus.he haven realli replied to my msg too.so i feel like shit.
also..todae im suppose to be in the official mugging mood.zzz.and the lessons are pe for two hours.
then is Gp..nuthin but to watch ppt presentations.now im skipping Pw lecture.its a waste of time
just to go in man.econs is next..break.then chinese(slacking)
so the onli productive lesson i can ever get is econs.Mr nandwani is just like swinging pendulum
you seriously cannot predict his mood..actually his mood is never good.he practically shouts at
the whole class every lesson.Siaoz..what good is it man...hes like too Enthu abt the MCQs and keep
yellin..when we stare at him.with blank faces.yupp.Blank.faces.
sigh,so i guess the onli productive work i can do is after school.i hope the guilti-ness im feeling will
make sure i mugg after school.
ah ning is gonna take fawaz to see the sin seh..Woot..guess shes holding a torch for him..says shes
worried for him..wow..i noe ah ning never reads my blog.so its ok..if she ever kills me.i noe who to look
for to kill..its just a joke..
Omg..yisheng gave me such a great present!its this ripcurl wallet..its like..feminine and everythin..
theres more.HE put a TEn dollar note INSIDE!i mean..the wallet must have cost a bomb.and he still
puts Money in it..said it was inauspicious to keep a wallet empty..wow..great fren man..i will remember
to give him a fab present..19 dec..if im not wrong.
maths tuition later.gonna work..dun care what other thinks whether im stupid.gonna ask watever Qs
i have in mind.

eight weeks.6 days to promos.

double shit

2004-08-01T19:35:00.000-07:00

todae is offically slacking day.AGain..if this continues i might as well self declare a retainee.every sundae its the same scenario: wake up.tv.tv.tv.lunch.sleep.wake up.headache.dinner.tv.comp.a bit of studying.bath. sleep..COOl huh..not.im dun think i can learn the song COUnting the stars by then..its so hard trying to
figure out the notes..behind all the drums and all..sigh..hope i wont screw it up..but i seriously think i would.
i always screw my piano exams up.what makes you think i wouldnt..somebody teach me please..
sigh..have you ever had those days where you feel realli insignificant..the whole world is moving with her
own problems whilst i am here worrying about anythin but mine.maybe im Pms-ing..is there anyone out
there who misses me..or sumthin l like that...i just feel..whats the word..insecure?
i need a hug.
Saturdae was our friendly match against a few jc;s..and RSN..held in Pjc..oh man..compared to them..NYjc
is like totally in the loser list.Look at the amount of cute guys and gals..i can feel the HAPpenING around it
..NYjc..sigh..cant make it man.*shakes head*..honestly..i think we played a bad match..and we sucked.
compared to eeryone else.look at other Jcs..they defend realli well.There 3 punches are fantastic.especially
SAJC..pjc used speed.Hcjc used pressure.JJC..well they used all their muscels.or shld i say fats..WE.did not
communicate.and no one was around to support the dummyhalf.If there was always support.less time wasted.
more time to look for gaps.Oh well..its an experience.and also my first match.the RSn..was a LIVing JOKE.
i tell you they made me LAugh even on the field.they dont Touch ppl.They grab and hug and refuse to let
us go.as if we will run anywhere.theres the FUNNIEST scne of the day.RSn was attacking.we were are prepared
suddenly the one rollin the ball went :"half time.i need to tie my shoe lace" 2 minutes was spent where
everyone was looking at her...oh man.i feel sorry for her team..
had a great time talking ta bong on the phone..i think for an hour or sumthin? whoa that was long..haha..bong
you msut must tell her ya? jia you..

nine weeks left to promos.

shit.

2004-07-30T04:25:00.000-07:00

i have two important things ta announce:
i have a date
my entire left arm hurts.

dont get shocked though..why cant i have a date??Ahaha..its a gal.DOUBLe shock..yupp
i dated irene and a few gals out on next fridae to watch the village!yeah..i HOPE it will be
nice..not like "the signs" total disappointment..irene asked a couple of rugby guys too..
you guys confirm with me if ur going ya?
irene was so sad..it was realli uncomfy for me to see her in this state.so i thought i ought
ta date her out..cheer her up and remind her that there are many ppl who loves her..and
not ta focus on guys onli cuz they are a bunch of unreliable egoistic ppl.You cant realli
blame me for labelling every guy on this world..true aint everyone is perfect..but you cant
treat me like shit.cuz i wont allow you to.ok..maybe this is LARgely due to the fact i have
quite a no. of unhappy experiences with my exs..i mean..i can give in..i can give in most
of the time..but HELlo? i expect something in return can i?it cant always be a one way
thing..with the guy at the receiving end..yeah..well my expectations of any guy would be
that he aint self centred.That is one BIg bonus already...sumtimes i realli miss my ex..
cuz all the happy memories cum flooding back which i cannot control.But when i think of
how e relationship worked out in the end.with me at the bottom of the priority list..i think i
wld be much better off alone.which brings me to a conclusion:

sometimes your in relationships. sometimes you will be out.

i always tot it wld never had an ending.it did..and e truth is im still healing my wounds cuz
i realli. realli. REAlli cannot get used to the fact im alone now.which makes me think of my
ex when i dont like him anymore..just that i feel lonley onli.
ok this is way outta point.BAck to number TWo...mY left arm hurts like hell..like bong said.
its like crashing into a brick ..make it COncrete wall.*ouch*i move it it hurts.well..hope i still
can play well for tmlS match..this would be my FIRST time ever playing a match against
other school. i Hope it a) doesnt rain b)i dun get sick c)nothing happens in Hk so i dun
need to fly back there *CHOY!*..im kinda nervous..i noe there are realli better teams out
there..will we be CRushed like hell? im gonna play my best out there.just like in testi match
hope aint gonna drop balls though..oo.alfian actually called to ask if im okie.so i guess
most rugby guys are gentlemen then *grins*

workload for todae: powerpnt for Gp project.Project work(argh).chinese compo/newspaper
cutting.revision of the day.maths tutorial.
in serious need of: foolscape paper.blue and black pens.a proper rubber.more colour pens

2004-07-28T05:01:00.000-07:00

OK.my butt hurts.
its always the case..right after rugby it hurts like shit..you cant realli sit right you noe
i mean..imagine your sitting on two sharp edged stones..thats how i feel...whadda
hell is wrong with me anyway.Oh well..must be my bone structure.
Todae was damn tiring...and unbearable too..for the school part.for once i forgot to
bring my tie..i love the tie...i dunno what other ppl think but the uni looks whole lot
better with it..half sleeping half awake in econs lecture..slacking my way thru
chinese..and for geog..i realli want Mr Ng back to teach. That new teacher isnt realli
good at telling us what are the points to look out for and those bonus marks we can
get.. and Oh no..TERM PAPER..

you Noe what. Sumtimes i realli Think about life??what i call Life would be fun fun fun
doing the things you like..being who you are and with all your loved ones..why is it
everyone focuses so much on education..like PROJECT WorK For exAMple.
i mean..true that if we dont study..we aint gonna succeed and all that crap..but its
that what all Life about? Personally i hate being stressed out.. for studies onli..
all i find myself nowadays is just studying and studying. NO LIFE..cept for rugby..
and all my mum can do to help is just to ask me to quit.If i quit rugby..i might as well
commit suicide.rugby now..is onli the happi part of life im looking 4ward to everyday.

you cant take that away from me mum.

ANYway..gotta thank the guys in rugby here..they teached us loads of stuff on the
field todae.I made new frens~! like alfien and shaneet.Alright i dunno how ta spell.
but they are quite cool..personality and all.yupp..cept for that time i banged RIght
alfian from behind. Whoa..i can tell you its just like knocking right into a speeding
bullet train..got me dazed for quite a while...had ta sit down.oH ya..guess what..i
played barefooted on the field.Its actually realli nice feeling..you seriously run better
you noe that? cept for occasional pricks ..otherwise i felt free..

gotta do revision soon.i have loads to catch up on..

and my butt still hurts.

a lot.

2004-07-26T00:40:00.000-07:00

im seriously fucked up with my new blog.i mean...Blogs are supposed to let you have your own
space to write your own stuff and feelings.I just wanted to change the colour and all thsoe
freaking problems came out.In the end..the only THing i can do..is to watch sadly as i delete
all my current ones..i already had emotional attachments to it already...FUck la..why does
writing a blog seem so damn fucking difficult for me...other ppl seem to do it in a breeze..and
i just screw every thing up. HMphs...it sucks.
might as well say i aint a computer freak...
Todae is the start of the week.NIne weeks left to promos..and i have one hell of stuff to do and
revise...I hate mondaes..theres jsut nuthin much i can do abt mondae in school..just gona
have maths tuition after this..hope i aint gonna fall asleep.
since i deleted all my blog..onli left with the one on MARch..im just gonna tell all my readers
out there.there is no one called that guy in my life anymore..and watever i wrote there..just
think of it as crap.
yupp..one day i shall write a post about love stuff..tune in then..BLeahz

2004-03-08T20:59:00.000-08:00

this is my first blog..minds blank now. dunno wat ta write. See, todays kinda pissed. Not kinda. Very pissed.Went ta play pool and stuff. the time with muzakir was great. catched up the old times with him..came home.realised all the guys in my class(well mostly) aint ta be trusted.twist whatever i said and tell the whole world.yeah. they ought ta realli grow up i guess.hes already lucky enuf to get such a wunderful stead. he treates her badly. Hes gonna get it. well last 4 days left with my class in cjc. gonna miss my gurlfrens A lot.and one guyfren alot too.they all have brighten up my days when im sad,or when im just plain bored. gonna give 'em a pressie..hope they will keep it for life.